there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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