The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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