I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize