So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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