dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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