I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
