Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
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