Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
