The maid of honor just puked.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
