I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Floor bacon is actually really good
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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