after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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