my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
