I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
