idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
