I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
