Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
