We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
