You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
