You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
