Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
