it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
