I just saw a hot homeless man
two words: eviction party
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
