If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
