If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
