It's Friday. Sex?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize