Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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