I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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