i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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