why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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