do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize