I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Someone shit on the floor
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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