dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
