I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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