I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
