Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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