She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
