Have you finally orgasmed yet?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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