Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
