I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
