How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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