I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
