Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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