She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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