she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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