remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
