I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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