Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
