So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
