you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
