my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
