they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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