South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
