Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
