I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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