i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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