I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
