It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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