Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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