filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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