Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
