I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
