You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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