I wish my penis had an off switch
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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