your thong is hanging out like whoa
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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