White coat. Heels.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
