her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
